explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
