apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
