physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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