I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize