I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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