I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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