Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
