you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
