He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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