You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
