I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
