Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
