So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
