Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize