You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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