Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
