oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize