headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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