you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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