Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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