It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
