I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
