we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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