They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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