would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
