I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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