It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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