ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
nutella sex= disaster
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
