I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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