Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
