I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize