my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
