she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
