I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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