Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
