he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
