one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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