Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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