He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
