My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
