I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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