Plan B is the new Plan A
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
