No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I came so hard my ears popped.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize