I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
