i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
