Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
