Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
