Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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