There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
