Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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