My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
