So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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