mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
