I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
