my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize