I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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