sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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