So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Small penises have feelings too.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
