she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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