I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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