the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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