I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
