I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
